I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
