half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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