every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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