Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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