U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
