we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
