Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
