I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
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Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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