You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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