My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
