Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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