Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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