Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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