My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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