So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He did a backflip because drugs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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