He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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