Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
