My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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