I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
