I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
