Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
