I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
