I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
