i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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