I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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