I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize