So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm passing your future prison.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
