I puked a lego.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
