just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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