Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
