I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
