naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
