By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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