They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize