I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
