Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
