I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she peed on how many people?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
