did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
