good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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