Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
