The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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