Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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