I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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