After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
