I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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