Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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