did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
