I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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