my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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