Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
