Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
