Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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