doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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