I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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