everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
