When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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