Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize