Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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