I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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