god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
