my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
