it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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