I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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