I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
