What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
