As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I didn't notice because vodka
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
