Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
