i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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