So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
