I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
