I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
