We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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