Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
don't judge my taste in strippers
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
