only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
