Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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